So sad to hear that Patrick has moved on to that big Chippendales audition in the sky. He was hot and nice (by all accounts) and had a REALLY great ass for a white guy and most importantly, made be laugh so damn hard in that Saturday Night Live dance scene w/Chris Farley. Remember his hair in that scene? Oh, man! Does anyone NOT think of that every time they hear "Workin' for the Weekend"??? Who would've guessed that fewer than 20 years later they would both be gone? Shame, shame.
Yes, I was one of those 12 year-old girls who saw "Dirty Dancing" five or 20 times back in the summer of 1987. Now THAT'S a "Great" movie. Take that, FS!! Suck it!!!And I watch it almost every time I flip past it on the boobtube, too.
He was smokin' hot in the Outsiders and Red Dawn and Youngblood, too. Roadhouse and Point Break weren't really my style, but my guess is he looked good in them, too.
So, big Xs and Os to you, Patrick. I was a fan!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Inglourious Basterds
Glourious. And I don't care if if that's corny. I fucking LOVED this movie! This is the best movie I have seen in a very long time. Maybe since "Fast times at Ridgmont High". Yes, I'm serious. It's that good. It officially dethrones "No Country For Old Men" as the last best movie I've seen. If that makes any sense. And even if it doesn't.
I'll write a full review of this one tonight when the boys are in bed (all three of them) and I actually have enough time to scratch my own ass. Then write the review.
For now I will just say, "See this movie. It is amazing." And I never say movies are "amazing" because people waaaaaaay overuse that word in reference to movies. I think I once overheard two older middle-aged women in a diner agree that "Monster-In-Law" was an amazing movie. Really? Was it, now? I think they just meant it was amazing that a woman their age (Jane Fonda) managed to escape looking like the freakishly-bloated roadkill the two of them so closely resembled.
Anyway, more of that sunshine later this evening...
..........to be continued.............
I'll write a full review of this one tonight when the boys are in bed (all three of them) and I actually have enough time to scratch my own ass. Then write the review.
For now I will just say, "See this movie. It is amazing." And I never say movies are "amazing" because people waaaaaaay overuse that word in reference to movies. I think I once overheard two older middle-aged women in a diner agree that "Monster-In-Law" was an amazing movie. Really? Was it, now? I think they just meant it was amazing that a woman their age (Jane Fonda) managed to escape looking like the freakishly-bloated roadkill the two of them so closely resembled.
Anyway, more of that sunshine later this evening...
..........to be continued.............
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Which "classics" should we talk about here?
I have been thinking about the "old" movies (meaning, movies that were released prior to 2009) I want to review but I'd like to know which one you all love and hate so we can all get into it. I've started a list of true "oldies" and I'm thinking maybe I'll organize my posts in 20 year blocks, starting w/the 30's and 40's (feel free to throw in anything you like pre-1930, also...yes, I'm talking to you FS cuz no one else here watches the pre-talkies!). So....
To my millions of faithful followers...which movies from 1930-1949 do you love? Which ones do you hate? Maybe use this as an excuse to watch an oldie. Why not? I found one of my favorite movies by taking a chance on the Turner Classic Movie channel. Had it not been for that leap of faith, I never would have experienced, "A Place in the Sun". If you haven't seen it, see it. Mongomery Clift could give Brad Pitt or Clive Owen a run for their metrosexual money ANY DAY. He is hot.
Okay. GG. Don't leave me hanging!
To my millions of faithful followers...which movies from 1930-1949 do you love? Which ones do you hate? Maybe use this as an excuse to watch an oldie. Why not? I found one of my favorite movies by taking a chance on the Turner Classic Movie channel. Had it not been for that leap of faith, I never would have experienced, "A Place in the Sun". If you haven't seen it, see it. Mongomery Clift could give Brad Pitt or Clive Owen a run for their metrosexual money ANY DAY. He is hot.
Okay. GG. Don't leave me hanging!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Funny People
(for some reason my snob images aren't working...i will fix that when it is fixable. for now, I give this 3.5/5 noses in the air)
So……Funny People. It was funny. Very funny in some parts. In fairness, it was about stand-up comedians so it did sort-of have a responsibility to make me laugh at least a little bit. But, I don’t know. There was something about it that I just didn’t love. DISCLAIMER: This one is hard to review without revealing some spoilers so, read it at your own risk. Because I’m not going to make any effort to keep things a secret. That’s not my game. Honestly, it’s not that big a deal, anyway. This wasn’t The Crying Game for christsake.
George Simmons (Adam Sandler) is dying. Then he’s not dying anymore. He’s nice to Ira Wright (Seth Rogen). Then he’s a total dick to him. The only real constant is his desire to have back the one that got away (Laura, played by Leslie Mann). I don’t know why he wants back the “girl” who is built like a 12 year-old boy and has a face that has, well, let’s just say it’s seen better days (she looked pretty good in Big Daddy…she was curvier and didn’t have the face of an old broad) but, he does. Fine. To each his or her own. I guess she’s still better looking than Adam Sandler.
So they (George and Ira) end-up at Laura’s home in Marin county, playing with her kids and fucking her in her guest cottage (just one of them does that part…both of them probably would have pushed this to an “X” rating). Then her husband, Clark (played by the fabulously manly and handsome Eric Bana…seriously, he is 6’3” of perfection, with the exception of his weird non-matching ears) shows-up, steals a few scenes then beats the hell out of George. The fight scene was stupid (as are most fight scenes that don’t include either Borat or a member of the Bad Girl’s Club) but I liked that Clark wasn’t actually cheating on the ugly bitch, as she had claimed. I really just cannot stand the sound of Leslie Mann’s voice! Judd, how DO you listen to that voice on the regular? I’m guessing she must be pretty generous with the hand release. There’s just no other explanation for keeping her around.
And I was pissed that Ira apparently agreed to get back in cahoots w/George at the end. And I know Ira is Schmira and has no backbone to speak of but I still think his character had gotten to the point where he should have told George to go fuck himself. Honestly, I was hoping George’s terminal disease would return and put him away for good at the end of the movie. And it didn’t. There. Now you don’t have to see the movie.
The Good:
1. Seth Rogen. He is just delightful. Truth-be-told, FS himself is kind of Rogenesque, looks-wise. But cuter. You know, he’s one of those 20 to 40-something Jewish, but not too Jewish guys who’s got the Jewfro, pastywhite skin and beady eyes? Yeah, that. And they make you laugh? Yup. I fall for that shit everytime.
2. I liked the banter/scenes w/Shmira and his roommates Leo and Mark (Jonah Hill and Jason Schwartzman). Hill never fails to crack me up even though he never strays far from the same role. Something about him just makes me laugh (if you, too want a laugh, check-out Hill’s photo on the IMDB. He looks positively svelte compared to his current rotund-self).
The Bad:
1. Judd Apatow’s and Leslie Mann’s kids are in the movie. Again. As her kids. It’s getting old. Honestly, if there were something special about the kid roles they play and these girls fit the bill w/those special qualities, that would be fine. But they play average kids and when you make movies that already have the same core group of actors, to then put your kids in them…playing your IRL wife’s kids…it is tiring. Judd, I know you are reading this so hear my plea: Enough already! It’s bad enough your wife has hit the wall, looks-wise (see “The Ugly, below) but we don’t ALSO need to not be charmed by your average kids every time we plunk down our $9.50 to see one of your flix.
2. George Simmons was just an asshole. I was glad both he and Laura basically didn’t get what they wanted and got what they deserved.
The Ugly:
• Leslie Mann. Sorry. She’s lost her looks (and “lost” is the right term…she used to look good) and plays the same part…whiny, useless wife of sexy, wealthy man who has a profession which keeps him away from her as much as possible…in every movie.
What I learned:
• The same thing everyone else learned. That we don’t EVER EVER EVER again want to see Seth, Jonah and Leslie (especially Leslie) in a Judd Apatow movie. No more. Enough already. Tweaking/shuffling the cast just a bit for each movie isn’t gonna cut it anymore. Try it again and we the people are gonna revolt. Mark my words. “You’ll be sorry, Pee Wee Herman!” - F. Buxton
So……Funny People. It was funny. Very funny in some parts. In fairness, it was about stand-up comedians so it did sort-of have a responsibility to make me laugh at least a little bit. But, I don’t know. There was something about it that I just didn’t love. DISCLAIMER: This one is hard to review without revealing some spoilers so, read it at your own risk. Because I’m not going to make any effort to keep things a secret. That’s not my game. Honestly, it’s not that big a deal, anyway. This wasn’t The Crying Game for christsake.
George Simmons (Adam Sandler) is dying. Then he’s not dying anymore. He’s nice to Ira Wright (Seth Rogen). Then he’s a total dick to him. The only real constant is his desire to have back the one that got away (Laura, played by Leslie Mann). I don’t know why he wants back the “girl” who is built like a 12 year-old boy and has a face that has, well, let’s just say it’s seen better days (she looked pretty good in Big Daddy…she was curvier and didn’t have the face of an old broad) but, he does. Fine. To each his or her own. I guess she’s still better looking than Adam Sandler.
So they (George and Ira) end-up at Laura’s home in Marin county, playing with her kids and fucking her in her guest cottage (just one of them does that part…both of them probably would have pushed this to an “X” rating). Then her husband, Clark (played by the fabulously manly and handsome Eric Bana…seriously, he is 6’3” of perfection, with the exception of his weird non-matching ears) shows-up, steals a few scenes then beats the hell out of George. The fight scene was stupid (as are most fight scenes that don’t include either Borat or a member of the Bad Girl’s Club) but I liked that Clark wasn’t actually cheating on the ugly bitch, as she had claimed. I really just cannot stand the sound of Leslie Mann’s voice! Judd, how DO you listen to that voice on the regular? I’m guessing she must be pretty generous with the hand release. There’s just no other explanation for keeping her around.
And I was pissed that Ira apparently agreed to get back in cahoots w/George at the end. And I know Ira is Schmira and has no backbone to speak of but I still think his character had gotten to the point where he should have told George to go fuck himself. Honestly, I was hoping George’s terminal disease would return and put him away for good at the end of the movie. And it didn’t. There. Now you don’t have to see the movie.
The Good:
1. Seth Rogen. He is just delightful. Truth-be-told, FS himself is kind of Rogenesque, looks-wise. But cuter. You know, he’s one of those 20 to 40-something Jewish, but not too Jewish guys who’s got the Jewfro, pastywhite skin and beady eyes? Yeah, that. And they make you laugh? Yup. I fall for that shit everytime.
2. I liked the banter/scenes w/Shmira and his roommates Leo and Mark (Jonah Hill and Jason Schwartzman). Hill never fails to crack me up even though he never strays far from the same role. Something about him just makes me laugh (if you, too want a laugh, check-out Hill’s photo on the IMDB. He looks positively svelte compared to his current rotund-self).
The Bad:
1. Judd Apatow’s and Leslie Mann’s kids are in the movie. Again. As her kids. It’s getting old. Honestly, if there were something special about the kid roles they play and these girls fit the bill w/those special qualities, that would be fine. But they play average kids and when you make movies that already have the same core group of actors, to then put your kids in them…playing your IRL wife’s kids…it is tiring. Judd, I know you are reading this so hear my plea: Enough already! It’s bad enough your wife has hit the wall, looks-wise (see “The Ugly, below) but we don’t ALSO need to not be charmed by your average kids every time we plunk down our $9.50 to see one of your flix.
2. George Simmons was just an asshole. I was glad both he and Laura basically didn’t get what they wanted and got what they deserved.
The Ugly:
• Leslie Mann. Sorry. She’s lost her looks (and “lost” is the right term…she used to look good) and plays the same part…whiny, useless wife of sexy, wealthy man who has a profession which keeps him away from her as much as possible…in every movie.
What I learned:
• The same thing everyone else learned. That we don’t EVER EVER EVER again want to see Seth, Jonah and Leslie (especially Leslie) in a Judd Apatow movie. No more. Enough already. Tweaking/shuffling the cast just a bit for each movie isn’t gonna cut it anymore. Try it again and we the people are gonna revolt. Mark my words. “You’ll be sorry, Pee Wee Herman!” - F. Buxton
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Special Feature: Snob Said, She Said, "Great" Movies
This is the first in a series of special postings in which the FS and the FSW will face-off on an issue/list/whatever else the FSW deems worthy.
Tonight, we discuss the AFI list of the 400 "Great" films that were nominated toward the final AFI list, "100 Years, 100 Movies".
***********************************************************
Taxi Driver – This is generally considered to be a film snob’s wet dream but I think this movie is for very lonely people. You know how FS explains away my hatred & boredom with this one, right? (practically patting me on the head), “It’s not FOR you.” Seriously. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Goodfellas…it is in my top three (3) movies of all time. And I thought Gangs of New York was terrific. This piece of shit? Nope. (FS TOTALLY fell for this one.)
Blazing Saddles – I hated this movie so much I wouldn’t even know where to begin. So I won’t . I will simply say this movie is for people who like Mel Brooks movies. Personally, I don’t think his movies should be shown outside clubhouse movie night at Del Boca Vista, Phase II. I sort-of liked History of the World almost 30 years ago when I first saw it (I was about nine). That’s it. (FS says he liked this one until he hit puberty…he says Cleavon Little is the only thing that endures from this film.)
Duck Soup/A Night at the Opera/Any other Marx Brothers movie – I am sitting here (literally) shaking my head over this. Who the fuck would even make it through 10 minutes of this shit, let alone nominate it for an award? An award? NFW. They are like the Three Stooges only stoopider. And there are four of them so it’s 33% more tortuous. (FS says these were very witty. Translation: I know I’m SUPPOSED to think these are funny so I will say they are.)
Dances With Wolves – This movie is good for nothing. No, wait, we do love to make fun of the way Mary McDonnell talked while Kevin was (re)teaching her English. Isn’t that nice and sensitive and tolerant of us? (FS says he doesn’t have much to say about this one. He expected to like it but didn’t.)
Singin’ in the Rain – would have been more than adequate as a music video. How and why they stretched it into a whole movie is beyond me. (FS just saw this one recently and REALLY didn’t like it with the exception of a few “fun dance numbers”. You turning gay on me, FS?)
Last Tango in Paris – This was just terrible. I really, really like dirty movies (really…ask FS!) but this was just not watchable. And thanks to the infamous “ramming her fingers up Marlon Brando’s ass” scene, I can no longer look at women w/long fingernails and NOT wonder whether or not they have come into contact w/a fat man’s excrement. (FS wasn’t fooled by this one, either. It was supposed to be profound & brilliantly ad-libbed. It wasn’t. Also, he didn’t appreciate that Maria Schneider looked as if she had Buckwheat in a leg-lock. Full-pubes? Downgrade)
Out of Africa – Snoozer. I like Africa. I like Robert Redford. I love Meryl Streep. None of the three could save this piece of crap. (FS agrees with me. What an honor! Though he does feel Klaus Maria Brandauer was robbed of the supporting actor Oscar. It does not come as a surprise to me that FS would not appreciate good breakdancing (Don Ameche in Cocoon ) when he sees it.)
The Pink Panther – this shit must be for people who like bad comedy but are too dumb to understand Mel Brooks movies. The appeal of this garbage will never, ever make sense to me. Or any other woman. (FS doesn’t like it but admits that if he were a snob of British lineage he would probably love this shit. And he wanted it noted that he loved Peter Sellers in Dr. Strangelove and Being There (whatever the fuck that is).
12 Angry Men – A semi-interesting story but it should have been cut down to about 25 or 30 minutes – tops. This one just went on forever. I was on a jury once and it took me and one other guy all of 15 minutes to convince the other ten people to vote our way so we could all get the hell out of there. (FS says “It’s a classic. I have no problem with it being on the list.” Not too convincing, is he? He thinks Henry Fonda was amazing and no one today could play the role nearly as well.)
Sleepless in Seattle – shamefully mediocre. Maybe the worst movie on the Top 400 list. This or Fatal Attraction. No, definitely this. Fatal Attraction at least had a good sex scene. When I hear this called a chick flick I am actually a little bit ashamed to be a chick. I was sort of pissed that I wasted money to see this one. At the $2.00 second-run theater in town. ‘Nuff said. (FS says he hated it at the time and hates it even more now. I knew there was a reason I love that man in spite of his snobbery!)
Toy Story – that’s right, motherfuckers, I put Toy Story on my list. Have some! I didn’t get it when we saw it in the theater and when my boys watch it now, I still don’t get it. What was so great and charming and sweet about it? Someone. Enlighten me. Honestly, I don’t care for Pixar movies in general. There wasn’t a single one – and I’ve seen almost all of them – that I would say I really liked. (FS says he recognizes the skill involved but was not entertained by the movie. For some reason he also wants it noted that he hates Tim Allen.)
West Side Story – the worst. This one I actually hate. Apologies to my mother-in-law but, if I have to be the one to tell her it sucks, so be it. (FS says he loves this movie. When pressed to go further, he admitted that what he really loved was the young Latina women in the movie. THAT I believe.)
Please PLEASE share with me – with us - the “Great” movies you just don’t “get”!
Tonight, we discuss the AFI list of the 400 "Great" films that were nominated toward the final AFI list, "100 Years, 100 Movies".
***********************************************************
Taxi Driver – This is generally considered to be a film snob’s wet dream but I think this movie is for very lonely people. You know how FS explains away my hatred & boredom with this one, right? (practically patting me on the head), “It’s not FOR you.” Seriously. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Goodfellas…it is in my top three (3) movies of all time. And I thought Gangs of New York was terrific. This piece of shit? Nope. (FS TOTALLY fell for this one.)
Blazing Saddles – I hated this movie so much I wouldn’t even know where to begin. So I won’t . I will simply say this movie is for people who like Mel Brooks movies. Personally, I don’t think his movies should be shown outside clubhouse movie night at Del Boca Vista, Phase II. I sort-of liked History of the World almost 30 years ago when I first saw it (I was about nine). That’s it. (FS says he liked this one until he hit puberty…he says Cleavon Little is the only thing that endures from this film.)
Duck Soup/A Night at the Opera/Any other Marx Brothers movie – I am sitting here (literally) shaking my head over this. Who the fuck would even make it through 10 minutes of this shit, let alone nominate it for an award? An award? NFW. They are like the Three Stooges only stoopider. And there are four of them so it’s 33% more tortuous. (FS says these were very witty. Translation: I know I’m SUPPOSED to think these are funny so I will say they are.)
Dances With Wolves – This movie is good for nothing. No, wait, we do love to make fun of the way Mary McDonnell talked while Kevin was (re)teaching her English. Isn’t that nice and sensitive and tolerant of us? (FS says he doesn’t have much to say about this one. He expected to like it but didn’t.)
Singin’ in the Rain – would have been more than adequate as a music video. How and why they stretched it into a whole movie is beyond me. (FS just saw this one recently and REALLY didn’t like it with the exception of a few “fun dance numbers”. You turning gay on me, FS?)
Last Tango in Paris – This was just terrible. I really, really like dirty movies (really…ask FS!) but this was just not watchable. And thanks to the infamous “ramming her fingers up Marlon Brando’s ass” scene, I can no longer look at women w/long fingernails and NOT wonder whether or not they have come into contact w/a fat man’s excrement. (FS wasn’t fooled by this one, either. It was supposed to be profound & brilliantly ad-libbed. It wasn’t. Also, he didn’t appreciate that Maria Schneider looked as if she had Buckwheat in a leg-lock. Full-pubes? Downgrade)
Out of Africa – Snoozer. I like Africa. I like Robert Redford. I love Meryl Streep. None of the three could save this piece of crap. (FS agrees with me. What an honor! Though he does feel Klaus Maria Brandauer was robbed of the supporting actor Oscar. It does not come as a surprise to me that FS would not appreciate good breakdancing (Don Ameche in Cocoon ) when he sees it.)
The Pink Panther – this shit must be for people who like bad comedy but are too dumb to understand Mel Brooks movies. The appeal of this garbage will never, ever make sense to me. Or any other woman. (FS doesn’t like it but admits that if he were a snob of British lineage he would probably love this shit. And he wanted it noted that he loved Peter Sellers in Dr. Strangelove and Being There (whatever the fuck that is).
12 Angry Men – A semi-interesting story but it should have been cut down to about 25 or 30 minutes – tops. This one just went on forever. I was on a jury once and it took me and one other guy all of 15 minutes to convince the other ten people to vote our way so we could all get the hell out of there. (FS says “It’s a classic. I have no problem with it being on the list.” Not too convincing, is he? He thinks Henry Fonda was amazing and no one today could play the role nearly as well.)
Sleepless in Seattle – shamefully mediocre. Maybe the worst movie on the Top 400 list. This or Fatal Attraction. No, definitely this. Fatal Attraction at least had a good sex scene. When I hear this called a chick flick I am actually a little bit ashamed to be a chick. I was sort of pissed that I wasted money to see this one. At the $2.00 second-run theater in town. ‘Nuff said. (FS says he hated it at the time and hates it even more now. I knew there was a reason I love that man in spite of his snobbery!)
Toy Story – that’s right, motherfuckers, I put Toy Story on my list. Have some! I didn’t get it when we saw it in the theater and when my boys watch it now, I still don’t get it. What was so great and charming and sweet about it? Someone. Enlighten me. Honestly, I don’t care for Pixar movies in general. There wasn’t a single one – and I’ve seen almost all of them – that I would say I really liked. (FS says he recognizes the skill involved but was not entertained by the movie. For some reason he also wants it noted that he hates Tim Allen.)
West Side Story – the worst. This one I actually hate. Apologies to my mother-in-law but, if I have to be the one to tell her it sucks, so be it. (FS says he loves this movie. When pressed to go further, he admitted that what he really loved was the young Latina women in the movie. THAT I believe.)
Please PLEASE share with me – with us - the “Great” movies you just don’t “get”!
Friday, August 21, 2009
Post-Grad
(2.5/5 noses in the air)
So, I liked it. I guess I’ll give it a “pretty good” if I HAVE to put a label on it. Alexis Bledel was completely adorable as Ryden Malby, a recent college graduate whose nemesis snatches-up her dream job at a publishing company and, as a result, must move back home with her crazy family and look for a “real” job. The flick moved along well and held my interest the entire time. I have an overall good feeling about the whole thing but I do wish we had gotten to see Ryden and David (Rodrigo Santoro…more on that piece of ass later) get it on. Would they make the most beautiful babies, or what?
Michael Keaton (Walter Malby) played the part of the zany dad a little too zany for me. But I have loved him since his 80’s comic masterpieces (Mr. Mom, Gung Ho, Beetle Juice) and, of course, My Life. I cannot talk about My Life. And please, PLEASE don’t mention the carnival scene. I thought that shit was sad before I had kids. Then I had kids. Now I simply refuse to watch it. I cry too much. So much that I get a headache. Maybe only Terms of Endearment and Philadelphia make me cry more than the carnival scene from My Life. Oh, and the end of And the Band Played On. All those dead gay guys. And only Ronald Reagan to blame. But, what else is new, really? Talk about a waste of human flesh. Anyway, back to the movie.
I liked Adam (played by Zach Gilford) and thought he was pretty believable but he was just a little too sad for me. We know he is in love with Ryden and is holding out hope that she will one day realize she is in love with him, too, but as I said, he played the sad a little TOO sad. Selfishly, I would have liked a few more scenes with Adam’s father. Just because I have loved J.K. Simmons in every, single thing I’ve ever seen him in since Oz. He was the meanest motherfucker in a prison full of rapists, gang members, baby touchers and mass murderers. And then he was Juno McGuff’s loveable, understanding father. And he was perfect as both. How great is that?
Carol Burnett was very good but she reminded me a little too much (looks-wise) of Aunt Edna (Imogene Coca) in NL Vacation. She played Grandma Maureen very well, but the character didn’t make sense to me. She is supposedly dying yet she is gone all day as if she is at work. The character was just too much. Ryden’s mother, Carmella is played by Jane Lynch. I love her. If you have not seen her and everyone else in Best in Show, your life is basically empty and without laughter. No, actually I’m not exaggerating. FS and I quote from that one regularly. Oh, yes. FS LOVES Best in Show (along w/all the other Christopher Guest flicks) and you KNOW how picky that bastard is about his movies.
The Good:
1. Rodrigo Santoro. Holy shit. Remember his mostly nekkid scene in Love, Actually? I do! If there were something that could make me believe there is a god it would be Rodrigo. More specifically, his torso. And his face. It is very hard to believe that a man just accidentally ended-up looking (and sounding) like that. That man is no accident. He is a national treasure. Viva Brasilia! (or the Portuguese equiv.) You Brazilians are a good-looking people.
2. Alexis Bledel was terrific. Which is what saved this movie for me. She is charming and youthful and lovely.
The Bad:
1. It was just a little too “lightweight”.
2. The kooky family was too kooky.
3. The scene w/the cat shit grossed me out. I hate cats and their shit.
The Ugly:
· Catherine Reitman (as Jessica Bard, the nemesis). Wow. THAT is a face made for radio. Or for a woman whose father is the producer of the movie, I suppose. To be fair, she was delightfully bitchy and she has a GREAT figure and nice hair. But she is not cute.
What I learned:
· My boy FS let me know that this movie is getting crappy reviews on rottentomatoes.com. Like I give a fat rat’s ass what those OTHER FSs say. Apparently, everyone is all up in arms because they see this movie as furthering the stereotype that young women can only be truly happy and fulfilled by dropping everything and following a man. That is a bunch of shit. If these dumb fuckers had actually SEEN the movie, as opposed to just watching it, they would know that this PARTICULAR young woman was 100% focused on getting the “right” job at the expense of all else, even love, and she only grew as a person when she realized there was more to a well-rounded life than just a high profile job. Dense, people. Really dense. Open your fucking eyes.
So, I liked it. I guess I’ll give it a “pretty good” if I HAVE to put a label on it. Alexis Bledel was completely adorable as Ryden Malby, a recent college graduate whose nemesis snatches-up her dream job at a publishing company and, as a result, must move back home with her crazy family and look for a “real” job. The flick moved along well and held my interest the entire time. I have an overall good feeling about the whole thing but I do wish we had gotten to see Ryden and David (Rodrigo Santoro…more on that piece of ass later) get it on. Would they make the most beautiful babies, or what?
Michael Keaton (Walter Malby) played the part of the zany dad a little too zany for me. But I have loved him since his 80’s comic masterpieces (Mr. Mom, Gung Ho, Beetle Juice) and, of course, My Life. I cannot talk about My Life. And please, PLEASE don’t mention the carnival scene. I thought that shit was sad before I had kids. Then I had kids. Now I simply refuse to watch it. I cry too much. So much that I get a headache. Maybe only Terms of Endearment and Philadelphia make me cry more than the carnival scene from My Life. Oh, and the end of And the Band Played On. All those dead gay guys. And only Ronald Reagan to blame. But, what else is new, really? Talk about a waste of human flesh. Anyway, back to the movie.
I liked Adam (played by Zach Gilford) and thought he was pretty believable but he was just a little too sad for me. We know he is in love with Ryden and is holding out hope that she will one day realize she is in love with him, too, but as I said, he played the sad a little TOO sad. Selfishly, I would have liked a few more scenes with Adam’s father. Just because I have loved J.K. Simmons in every, single thing I’ve ever seen him in since Oz. He was the meanest motherfucker in a prison full of rapists, gang members, baby touchers and mass murderers. And then he was Juno McGuff’s loveable, understanding father. And he was perfect as both. How great is that?
Carol Burnett was very good but she reminded me a little too much (looks-wise) of Aunt Edna (Imogene Coca) in NL Vacation. She played Grandma Maureen very well, but the character didn’t make sense to me. She is supposedly dying yet she is gone all day as if she is at work. The character was just too much. Ryden’s mother, Carmella is played by Jane Lynch. I love her. If you have not seen her and everyone else in Best in Show, your life is basically empty and without laughter. No, actually I’m not exaggerating. FS and I quote from that one regularly. Oh, yes. FS LOVES Best in Show (along w/all the other Christopher Guest flicks) and you KNOW how picky that bastard is about his movies.
The Good:
1. Rodrigo Santoro. Holy shit. Remember his mostly nekkid scene in Love, Actually? I do! If there were something that could make me believe there is a god it would be Rodrigo. More specifically, his torso. And his face. It is very hard to believe that a man just accidentally ended-up looking (and sounding) like that. That man is no accident. He is a national treasure. Viva Brasilia! (or the Portuguese equiv.) You Brazilians are a good-looking people.
2. Alexis Bledel was terrific. Which is what saved this movie for me. She is charming and youthful and lovely.
The Bad:
1. It was just a little too “lightweight”.
2. The kooky family was too kooky.
3. The scene w/the cat shit grossed me out. I hate cats and their shit.
The Ugly:
· Catherine Reitman (as Jessica Bard, the nemesis). Wow. THAT is a face made for radio. Or for a woman whose father is the producer of the movie, I suppose. To be fair, she was delightfully bitchy and she has a GREAT figure and nice hair. But she is not cute.
What I learned:
· My boy FS let me know that this movie is getting crappy reviews on rottentomatoes.com. Like I give a fat rat’s ass what those OTHER FSs say. Apparently, everyone is all up in arms because they see this movie as furthering the stereotype that young women can only be truly happy and fulfilled by dropping everything and following a man. That is a bunch of shit. If these dumb fuckers had actually SEEN the movie, as opposed to just watching it, they would know that this PARTICULAR young woman was 100% focused on getting the “right” job at the expense of all else, even love, and she only grew as a person when she realized there was more to a well-rounded life than just a high profile job. Dense, people. Really dense. Open your fucking eyes.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The Hangover
(3.5/5 noses in the air )
Disclaimer: Girl and FS saw this one together. For those who care, FS enjoyed the movie.
I enjoyed this movie very much. I wouldn’t say it was great but I would say it was really good. Very funny at times but more Wedding Crashers or American Pie funny than, say, Borat or National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation funny. Now THAT is some funny shit!
All in all, as good a “bachelor party in Vegas” movie as I’ve seen. Yes, I have seen another, thank you very much. I think. Very Bad Things. That was the same idea, right? Only with Christian Slater and a dead hooker? While we’re on the subject, are we to believe that was the first time brother Christian found himself burying a dead hooker in the desert after a particularly wild night? As if! The first time someone got it on film, maybe.
Anyway, Bradley Cooper…what can I say? I get all cold and hot at the same time when I think about him. Such a dick in the aforementioned Wedding Crashers yet almost superheroesque in this one. He totally saves the day! What range! Yes, FS and all you other straight men out there. If women drew superheroes they would look like Bradley Cooper . Or Tim McGraw. Oh, Tim. Those thick thighs of yours. And the tight jeans. And normally tight jeans on a man are NOT okay with me. But Tim is the exception. It’s almost too much. Whew! What happened? Where am I? Oh, yes. The Hangover.
Of course, there are the standard coincidences, fortuitous timing deals, last-minute-big-score-at-the-tables to win the ransom money to save their friend from a gang headed by a faggety little Asian man, said little Asian man giving (or was it getting?) a blow job to a fat man in the elevator of Caesar’s Palace, blah blah blah, you know the rest.
Does anyone else find it freakydeaky how much Justin Bartha resembles Zach Galligan??? Add to that the name of Justin’s co-star in The Hangover…Zach Galifianakis – who looks NOTHING like Zach Galligan - and it’s just a little strange. I’d say it’s just me but I asked FS what he thought and he agreed enthusiastically [as opposed to the way in which he (Jew) would agree to go out in the cold with me and forage for the perfect Christmas tree…two very distinct kinds of agreement].
I enjoyed most of Galifianakis’s performance as the not-all-there brother-in-law (to be). He was a little much now and then but he never went completely over the top for me so it’s fine. Ed Helms as Stu Price was very good. His nerdy self, I’m sure, but very good at it. And Heather Graham was great. Isn’t she always, though? What are we mere mortals to do when there are girls like her with tits like THAT who also happen to be pretty good actresses? Keep our clothes on in public, I suppose.
The Good:
1. Heather Graham’s smokin’ hot body. Nekkid. I am not even officially bi-curious but I still dream about Roller Girl.
2. Rachael Harris with dark hair. Upgrade!
3. The tiger. Why did/do I find that damned tiger so funny?
The Bad:
1. All the times the Mr. Chow’s gang just happened upon the boys in Vegas. A little too coincidental for me. This stuck out as particularly off-putting for me in a film w/plenty of this sort of thing.
2. Mike Tyson’s drum solo. Oh, I loved it all right. But I wanted MORE!
The Ugly:
· Stu’s missing tooth-situation. It grossed me out. Like, totally. Something about people getting their teeth knocked-out has always skeeved me. Not unlike the phrase, “stick to your ribs”. Gross. I don’t eat ribs because I can’t help but imagine what might be sticking to them. Anyway, I could have done with a little less talk about/shots of the missing tooth.
What I learned:
· That Ken Jeong, “Mr. Chow”, is actually a MD in “real life”. Interesting! Guess who learned me that tidbit? I’ll give you a hint: He is also a music snob and his initials are FS.
I enjoyed this movie very much. I wouldn’t say it was great but I would say it was really good. Very funny at times but more Wedding Crashers or American Pie funny than, say, Borat or National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation funny. Now THAT is some funny shit!
All in all, as good a “bachelor party in Vegas” movie as I’ve seen. Yes, I have seen another, thank you very much. I think. Very Bad Things. That was the same idea, right? Only with Christian Slater and a dead hooker? While we’re on the subject, are we to believe that was the first time brother Christian found himself burying a dead hooker in the desert after a particularly wild night? As if! The first time someone got it on film, maybe.
Anyway, Bradley Cooper…what can I say? I get all cold and hot at the same time when I think about him. Such a dick in the aforementioned Wedding Crashers yet almost superheroesque in this one. He totally saves the day! What range! Yes, FS and all you other straight men out there. If women drew superheroes they would look like Bradley Cooper . Or Tim McGraw. Oh, Tim. Those thick thighs of yours. And the tight jeans. And normally tight jeans on a man are NOT okay with me. But Tim is the exception. It’s almost too much. Whew! What happened? Where am I? Oh, yes. The Hangover.
Of course, there are the standard coincidences, fortuitous timing deals, last-minute-big-score-at-the-tables to win the ransom money to save their friend from a gang headed by a faggety little Asian man, said little Asian man giving (or was it getting?) a blow job to a fat man in the elevator of Caesar’s Palace, blah blah blah, you know the rest.
Does anyone else find it freakydeaky how much Justin Bartha resembles Zach Galligan??? Add to that the name of Justin’s co-star in The Hangover…Zach Galifianakis – who looks NOTHING like Zach Galligan - and it’s just a little strange. I’d say it’s just me but I asked FS what he thought and he agreed enthusiastically [as opposed to the way in which he (Jew) would agree to go out in the cold with me and forage for the perfect Christmas tree…two very distinct kinds of agreement].
I enjoyed most of Galifianakis’s performance as the not-all-there brother-in-law (to be). He was a little much now and then but he never went completely over the top for me so it’s fine. Ed Helms as Stu Price was very good. His nerdy self, I’m sure, but very good at it. And Heather Graham was great. Isn’t she always, though? What are we mere mortals to do when there are girls like her with tits like THAT who also happen to be pretty good actresses? Keep our clothes on in public, I suppose.
The Good:
1. Heather Graham’s smokin’ hot body. Nekkid. I am not even officially bi-curious but I still dream about Roller Girl.
2. Rachael Harris with dark hair. Upgrade!
3. The tiger. Why did/do I find that damned tiger so funny?
The Bad:
1. All the times the Mr. Chow’s gang just happened upon the boys in Vegas. A little too coincidental for me. This stuck out as particularly off-putting for me in a film w/plenty of this sort of thing.
2. Mike Tyson’s drum solo. Oh, I loved it all right. But I wanted MORE!
The Ugly:
· Stu’s missing tooth-situation. It grossed me out. Like, totally. Something about people getting their teeth knocked-out has always skeeved me. Not unlike the phrase, “stick to your ribs”. Gross. I don’t eat ribs because I can’t help but imagine what might be sticking to them. Anyway, I could have done with a little less talk about/shots of the missing tooth.
What I learned:
· That Ken Jeong, “Mr. Chow”, is actually a MD in “real life”. Interesting! Guess who learned me that tidbit? I’ll give you a hint: He is also a music snob and his initials are FS.
(500) Days of Summer
(3/5 noses in the air)
I liked this movie. It was good. Definitely better than pretty good. Possibly even very good. But, as the first of the movies I will review I can’t very well go buck-wild and fawn all over it. I’ll save that for my review of, “Whip-it”, which is coming up in…I think a few months. Doubtless I will love it. Doubtless.
Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) was incredibly likeable. Really, I just wanted to squish him and squeeze him and hang him from the rearview mirror! Summer (Zooey Deschanel) was not especially likeable which (I think) means she was very good. In fairness, I think she’s staying relatively close to home with the part as I can imagine the real life Deschanel wearing the groovy 70’s clothing and hairstyles, listening to the Smiths (holla!) and breaking cute boys’ hearts. She is a beauty, to be sure, but I am happy to say (happy in the bitchiest of ways) that Deschanel is a head-on knockout BUT her profile is pretty “meh”. Not enough chin, I guess. Anyway, back to the movie.
It was beautifully shot and although it was all flashback, flash-forward, present-day, flash-forward, etc it never lost me. Pulp Fiction should have been so well-done! ;) I appreciated the aesthetics of the blueing-up of everything…to bring out Deschanel’s eyes, apparently. Seems a bit over-the-top to me but, fine. It looked nice so, good enough for me.
I liked the inclusion of the dialogue scenes with Tom and his younger sister, Rachel, played by Chloe Moretz. I could have used a bit of background there and would have appreciated seeing a glimpse of her in the photo montage at the beginning of the flick so she didn’t seem like an afterthought but, again, I liked it so, good enough.
Tom’s friend and officemate, McKenzie, was well-played by Geoffrey Arend. Arend is one of those ugly-cute guys. You know, like Seth Rogan or Brad Pitt. His drunken karaoke scene teetered on overkill but I enjoyed all his scenes so, good for him. He should feel free to try this acting thing again. He has my blessing.
Oh, and Tom’s boss Vance, played by Clark Gregg was totally believable as a boss ANYONE would love to have. (shit, I’d be satisfied just to HAVE a boss right now! But I’d be REALLY happy to have a boss like Vance.)
The Good:
1. Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s squishy-squeezibility.
2. The music. Did I mention the Smiths?
3. The overall “look”.
The Bad:
1. The “twist” at the end with the girl’s name. Corny.
2. Millie was mentioned once at the beginning of the movie. Then, near the end, Tom & Summer make a big effort to take the train to get to her wedding. Not consistent enough for me.
The Ugly:
· Zooey Deschanel’s profile. Ick. Oh, sorry. Did I already mention that?
What I learned:
· That I never want to work as a writer of greeting cards (and I actually have a journalism degree so, dammit, they’d be lucky to have me!).
· That there actually ARE much worse cubicle configurations than all those to which I have been subjected over the years! There’s something to celebrate, eh? That I’ve never had to work face-to-fucking-face with another person for eight to ten hours per day. It’s the little things, peoples.
· That I don’t especially like being the only person in the theater. It’s weird and a little bit like a scene from a serial killer movie.
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